Wild Card Time- Going a bit Cosmic
Rolled a 1 (Memories) and 17 (Were you ever obsessed with a particular cosmic question as a kid?)
Were you ever obsessed with a particular cosmic question as a kid?
Walt Disney is supposed to have said something along then lines of “you have to grow old, but you don’t have to grow up.” With that in mind I try to think back as to my time as a kid (before my current time as a kidult). I was just thinking about third grade- and what happened those years… Yes, I spent two years in third grade, and I’m still trying to figure out why, but that’s not my cosmic question- it just leads to it.
We had just moved to a new school (Yes, it was called “Happy Valley Elementary”) and in third grade (which I don’t remember too well) some red flags came out - what they were, I don’t know. It was the 1970’s and all I remember about my teacher that year was her thick accent. I’m guessing I was being bullied (or whatever) and cried at sometime or maybe a lot- I was and still am emotional. I was an imaginative kid and played a lot, talked to myself, or whatever- they didn’t like it. One day I was brought into the Principal’s office with my parents and told I was going to spend another year in third grade. It wasn’t that I was dumb (I was told that multiple times in this meeting) but the adults in the room thought it would be best for me. I think of that version of myself an outgoing kid, an extrovert. I had no fear and would try do stupid things like try out for the talent show by “dancing” around to swing music- I was politely told I might want to think about taking lessons. For the record- I tested into the gifted program, but I guess I was considered “immature” so I was “held back.” Because who would want to have a kid acting silly at school?
My second year in third grade was pretty miserable. Even though my teacher had convinced another student’s parents to retain their son it was still hard. I was put into a split class so I could work on 4th grade material whenI was ready for it. I was small, and skinny, and pretty weird. So the perfect target for kids to pick on. My memories of that time revolve around being called “stupid” on a daily basis by a few fourth graders who took it upon themselves to remind me that I had “flunked” and it must have been because of my limited mental abilities.
During this time I started my dive into drawing and art. This is where the particular “cosmic” question comes up.
We draw lines around things- why don’t things have lines around them when we look at them?
Stupid question- but at the time it was one of those things I tried to wrap my little immature third grade head around. We draw things which puts a line around them, but in real life they don’t… so why don’t we just draw using the colors, shadows, and ignore the black line that doesn’t exist? This from a guy who would embrace cartooning. The actual artist definition of a “cartoon” is the drawing done before you paint, so the outline of the object you are going to paint. The drawing that defines where the color goes. This is something I wondered about… but to this day still don’t do well with just laying down color in blocks or shapes to create an image. Although I have taken classes focusing on pastels, charcoal and colored pencils, all focusing on realism, I still go back to the line drawing (the cartoon) as my comfort zone. Not too cosmic of a question- but pretty weird and deep for a kid. I still try to see the outline of something as I look at it.
I looked for something “artistic” to post with this I just went through the portfolios I had in the basement of old work some if it over 40 years old… Nope. Pretty much everything either was just awful, or had a black line around it. I wasn’t too shocked- I recall during a clean out disposing of most of the stuff I had created during some classes I was taking (decades ago). Now I just need to spend some time and actually try again.
As for retention-as a teacher I think I tried my best not to retain anyone. The times I did the students were mostly in first grade and as far as I know they never remembered it. I actually recall running into one kid years later- she didn’t even know that she had been in my class for a year- which made me feel good. As for me - I look at my experience as something that made me who I am today. No, I’m not the most outgoing person, and I don’t have a bunch of self-esteem, but I like who I became- warts and all. Then again, I remember chatting with my parents about it when I was in my 40’s and commenting that I still read comic books, play with LEGO and carry around a stuffed monkey - looks like that retention really helped me mature. 🙄
This is based on the Wild Card podcast by Rachel Martin on NPR. Thanks for the inspiration.