Tag: Twilight

So 348 pages into this book and finally, finally we start getting into the actual conflict (besides does Edward like me?).  I could go through this chapter by chapter, but at least the last 100 pages started to get more interesting.  A little more interesting.  I’m not going to waste your time with pesky details I’m just going to dive right into it with a general summary and commentary. Edward finally introduces himself as Bella’s boyfriend.  A storm arrives giving the Cullens a chance to play baseball which ends up going all wrong.  During the game another clan (coven) of vampires arrives and one of them decides that Bella would make a wonderful midnight snack.  So James starts hunting Bella just because he’s looking for some fun.  The Cullens panic and try to figure out what to do-  Bella comes up with a plan.  Breaking off from her father (in a brief screaming session about how she hates everything about Forks- which was exactly what she was saying at the beginning of the book) she runs with Jasper & Alice to Phoenix to hide out.  So now Bella is away from Edward – Oh the heartbreak, the trauma.  So while the rest of the Cullens are trying to throw this “tracker” off the scent (and as we found out before Bella really stinks) Bella hides out.  Amazingly enough the bad guy (yup! over 350 pages and we finally have a bad guy) figures out where Bella is and as Bella is trying to figure out what Alice is seeing in her visions.  Bella in the tradition of the paperbag princess gets a call from her “mom” and decides that the only way to save her from the bad vampire is to escape her protectors.  As James, the bad vampire, says “this was too easy.”  She is (shock of all shocks) led into a trap and as the villian monologues about how he actually was doing this as revenge for not being able to eat Alice decades ago (Where did that come from?) Bella is a goner… yup! she’s dead- end of book, that’s it show’s over, time go home, nothing else to see… But wait!  This is a romance story-  so Edward and everyone in the cavalry show up and take out the big bad vampire (off camera while Bella is unconscious) and poor innocent Bella has been bitten by a vampire!  Oh joy!  She can now be with Edward forever!  Nope- not this time.  See according to this mythology, vampires carry with them a toxin so if you aren’t killed in three days (three painful days) you then become a vampire.  Well Bella starts screaming about pain and Edward does what anyone would do when it comes to a snake bite- he sucks out the venom… Yes 400+ pages and Edward finally gets to suck Bella’s blood like any normal decent vampire.  C’mon haven’t these guys read the manual on vampires?  Bella is saved by Edward and remains human (much to her chagrin).  James is destroyed (or is he?) the only way you can really kill a vampire.  Cut the vampire into tiny pieces then sauté in holy water with a sprig of garlic until burnt to a crisp- serve over brown rice… or something like that. So Bella is hurt (badly) recovering in the hospital. Edward is blaming himself (teenage angst- it isn’t all about you). Bella wishes to become a vampire so she can be with Edward forever… (it’s gonna happen, just a matter of time-  I’m guessing at the end of her 7th year at Hogwarts).  The story the silly pathetic humans are told is that Edward flew down to talk with her (after she broke up with him) and while walking to his room she tripped (so far makes sense) and falls down a series of steps gaining enough momentum to crash through a window… and that’s my story & I’m sticking to it. As the story ends, Bella ends up at the prom (I remember my prom… oh the pain, the agony, why couldn’t I have just been turned into a vampire it would have been mush more enjoyable) and meets up with young Master Foreshadowing in the guise of Jacob Black (aka Remus Lupin) to deliver a warning about the the moon and the moors or something.  Bella is still hoping to be turned into a vampire… but Edward is still against it.  He just wants her to be human and have all the experiences (like the prom) that humans have (gosh, what a thoughtful bloodsucking monster). So as the sun slowly sets (“Twilight” folks) Edward and Bella are together ready to take on whatever this crazy world throws at them, (aliens, let it please be aliens) two love struck kids- setting out to conquer the world (they’re going to need laser guns, and robots, giant robots… with missiles and a jet pack). — In conclusion- good book?  meh.  Definitely not the worst thing I have ever read… but if I wasn’t doing this review I might have stopped before the bad vampire showed up.  I think too much time was spent building the relationship between Edward & Bella (yup, it’s a romance novel) and more could have been spent with the final conflict.  If this James was really evil and a tracker I would have thought, like a cat, he would have wanted to “play with his food” a little more than he did.  Even changing the point of view to Edward’s as he was pursuing James… I think that might have added more thrills to the end, which really was a let down.  Part of it is reading a series and knowing that everyone ends up OK since there are more books in the series, it is hard to feel any suspense when you know that there are only a few thousand pages left in the story. Looking at this through the lens of the Campbell’s Hero’s Journey with Bella as the hero- this doesn’t fit, she really doesn’t to much in the way of growth or change.  The only difference is instead of a whining teenager she has become a whining teenager in love with a vampire.  Even with all the “character development” taking the majority of the story, I can’t say I really cared about the characters.  Harry Potter books- I cared about what happened to the characters and wanted to know what happened next.  Orson Scott Card’s Ender’s Game I was overjoyed when I heard the next book came out and even went back to read Ender’s Shadow to see the story from a different point of view.  This story? Not so much. Some have suggested that I read the next book in the series since it is better, I’m going to veto that and move on to the final Young Hoosier Books I need to finish along with some others.  I can say I’m happy that I read this so I have an idea what everyone has been talking about but… Recap on Twilight Vampire Mythology:

• Vampires cannot die (unless they are torn into little pieces and set aflame)
• Vampires have superpowers like super hearing, super sense of smell, super speed, invulnerablity, etc.  There was no mention of heat or x-ray vision.
• Vampires have a venom that unless you are completely drained of life- seeps through your circulatory system (feeling like you are on fire) and within 3 days you are dead and therefore a vampire.
• While vampires can move quickly they cannot turn into bats, fly, turn into mist, etc.
• A group of vampires is called a coven (I thought that was a group of witches). Some are good (like Carlisle’s) some aren’t (that would be James’)
• Vampires do not eat human food (not even Count Chocula cereal)
• Crosses, and other religious stuff like holy water- nothing, no effect.
• Garlic- besides smelling no effect either- doesn’t even mask Bella’s odor.
• Light doesn’t really bother Vampires it just makes them sparkle like a disco ball- and unless you are in certain cities in California this can bring unwanted attention to you.
• Werewolves aka Native Americans are the natural (supernatural?) enemies of Vampires. No Dracula & the Wolfman team-up.

From what I understand like the old Universal Monster Movies each book will cover a different monster.  So New Moon deals with Werewolves. Eclipse could also be called “Edward & Bella meet Dr. Frankenstein”.  Breaking Dawn is just a remake of “Dawn of the Dead” with zombies invading Fork… Remember “Kill the Brain & you kill the ghoul.”  Next in the franchise is Breakfast (at Tiffany’s) where the newlywed Bella & Edward head to New York and deal with mutant alligators in the sewers.  Midday Sun our loving pair meet up with the Mummy while in Cairo. To end the series we have Tea Time- Edward & Bella finally confront the strange groundskeeper who with his dying breath says “I would have gotten away with it- if it wasn’t for you meddling kids…”

It has been a while since I picked up Twilight–  so that might tell you something about my feelings towards the book (trying to keep an open mind- really I am).  So when we last left our daring band of adventurers they had escaped the orcs and were finally heading off to drop the ring into the volcano, but Frodo wasn’t feeling that well. Chapter 15 Bella had returned from a day with Edward in the woods where he displayed his many talents…  He then spent the night watching over Bella.  Today after her father reconnects the battery cables to her truck (afraid she was going to run off) they head over to meet Edward’s “family.”  Having gone through the whole meeting your girl friend’s parents thing I tell you it can be rather stressful.  So Edward is a little shocked when it is the whole meeting the family thing that Bella is concerned about not the meeting my family who happen to be vampires.  Everyone present is very polite and Edward takes her on a tour of the house .  As this chapter closes Bella is about to find out the origins of Carlisle the head vampire. Myth busted – Crosses no effect. because… Chapter 16 Carlisle has to head to the hospital so Edward has to tell the story instead (which is fine by Bella).  It seems that in the 1600’s Carlisle lived in England the son of a pastor.   He lead groups persecuting roman catholics and stumbled upon a group of vampires living (you call that living?) in the sewers of London.  As the charge (torches, pitchforks, the whole 9 yards) the vampires attack and get Carlisle.  He escapes and turns into a vampire.  He attempts to kill him self countless times discovering that it is a lot harder than he thought. He leaves England heads for France learns that he can drink the blood of other animals , not just humans.  Hangs out in Italy for a bit decides to focus on medicine and healing.  Heads to the new world where after years & years gets lonely and turns edward into a vampire right before edward was going to die of Spanish influenza.  The rest we have learned in previous chapters. Presently Edward is trying to get Bella to formally introduce him as her “boyfriend” especially to her father… I’m not sure how that will turn out.  there is also another group of vampires heading this way who don’t follow Carlisle’s diet plan. (I finally see some action on the horizon.  Though I could be wrong.  With only 150 pages to go- something has got to pick up in this narrative.