Learning to say “NO”

A skill I’m still working on.

Having been a public school teacher for the majority of my life I lived under the belief that saying “No” was not an option. If I wanted to be successful in my career- saying “No” meant that I may never get asked to do something again. Every time you said “Yes” you became more indispensable and were asked to more important things. Some drudgery, others awesome opportunities. That was a belief I have carried with me. I never turned down something when asked. Robotics? Sure! Chair for this committee? Sure! Webmaster? Sure! Did I know what I was doing? Not a chance. Since retirement, I’ve kind of kept that philosophy, until now. I guess you can teach an old dog new tricks.

You see I get involved in a group or organization, then get over-involved, then burned out. It’s me, not the organization. It’s been repeated so many times. I become indispensable and then need to run for the hills. I decided yesterday to put that to an end. I don’t like to quit things. I’m an “obliger” according the Gretchen Rubin. I put others needs ahead of my own even when it causes me stress. I decided after taking the entire day to focus on a project for someone else I would just stop and say something I rarely say- “No.”

Since returning from a bonspiel in Las Vegas a few of us had talked about “Curly,” the CurlVegas mascot. Designed by Frank McCourt (Canada’s Curling Cartoonist). We’d talked about how it would be cool to have a character for our club. Something cute and silly. Curly is a desert tortoise something that lives in Nevada, so we started to brainstorm ideas for what animal could work for Indiana. Opossum, raccoon, pig all came to mind. I started working out ideas, but nothing seriously. We got back and the idea was thrown into the miasma that is a club board, and deemed not a high priority (which I can understand).

“Curly” by Frank McCourt. He’s not used that much by CurlVegas but he does have some merch (keychains, stickers, and 3D prints)

Helping Out…

I’m not saying boards are bad, or individuals are bad. I’ve been on a club board before, here you have people who are passionate about the club, and what it’s about, sometimes they are also stuck in their ways. The hardest thing to tackle is “but we’ve always done it this way.” The other thing you have are those people (and I was one of them, once upon a time) who are very serious about how things should be and how the club looks to others. There are those who want change for the better but get hit with the roadblock of the ones who don’t want things to change.

The basic membership doesn’t worry about these things, they want to go to events, play the game, or whatever. When I dealt with school robotics, you had the people who saw it as a sport equal to any other sport and should have the same respect as basketball or football. In a car club you had the people who wanted more technical events, challenging drives, or track time. Then you had the people who said these were just clubs and to get over it. I’m not quite sure where this club board stands, but it seems like a lot of egos and politics like most boards. Most members will never see it and just go along with whatever is presented. It’s kinda nice to be in the dark.

The club I’m currently a part of is celebrating its 20th anniversary. I was asked to join the planning committee in hopes that I could help design things for the event. The first meeting did not go well. In our first meeting I griped (OK- I blew up) about AI and also using race cars as a cliché representation of Indianapolis. I offered to try some things out, but got the feeling that whatever I created would probably be rejected. It seemed like the majority were all on board with AI and that race cars are synonymous with Indiana. The board seemed to love AI and saw it as looking very professional and easy for anyone to use. I tried to counter, with many not aware that I can draw. This meeting came up while I was in the middle of traveling, so thinking time was available, but serious drawing time wasn’t. Any creative person knows how long it takes to come up with a workable idea. I had time in hotels and planes to think things through. I kept thinking about Curly, fromCurlVegas. Not as a cornerstone, but something to add a little whimsy and make us not seem so serious. He could also be infused into things instead of the AI curling stone currently on most of our event flyers.

The rough ideas I came up with including taking the Mastadon and having him cosplay to see how that would work out.

The morning of the next meeting arrived and I was asked to contact the chair which, in my experience, is never a good thing. All I heard in the discussion was that one member of the committee was really pushing race cars, and since they were on the board, I again figured anything I came up with that wasn’t race car related would be shot down. This person even suggested doing a Cars character as a mascot… Oh my. Just waiting for the Disney lawyers to knock on the door. I said I would try to come up with something (but not a Cars character), I had some ideas, but I went back to the AI slop that had been shown to me at the first meeting. Ugh. It was awful, but it was also what they wanted, or at least something similar. I suggested to the chair that if they wanted to go for race cars go whole hog throughout the club. Where are the racing flags? Why isn’t the hog line a row of bricks or a checkered flag? Why isn’t the club championship trophy a knock off of the Borg-Warner cup? Use racing wheels and tires as tables… Don’t go halfway - embrace it.

Then I put my nose to the grindstone and tried to create what it seemed the group wanted. Hours passed and I had nothing I felt was decent enough to show. Most artists have self-esteem issues. Cartoonists especially since while people are supposed to laugh at their work, they also get the serious arts people maligning it. “Are you still drawing those silly pictures?” If given ample time I’m sure I could come up with something that works, but I keep falling back on whatever I turn in will be rejected, so why even try. I fell back on some of my original ideas and re examined the “beautiful, very professional looking” AI slop and just gave up. My heart wasn’t in it to fight. I felt I was being set up for failure. I texted the committee chair and quit. My style of art would not meet their needs. I’m old enough to choose my battles, and this was one I decided would just make me miserable and alienate me even more. I also have other projects and ideas this was keeping me from. I said something I almost never say “No.”

I tried this idea out since Indiana has crops and the club is actually outside of the city in a more agricultural area. It was the idea of another committee member.

The mammoth/mastodon once roamed Indiana and if curling was a thing in those days would have been at home on the ice.

As for the club I’m still feeling like the “new guy” after three years. I’m trying to figure out why some people started referring to me as “Crazy Bruce” after just hiding in the shadows and only playing in a couple of leagues & events for a couple of years. What did I do to be labeled insane? I laugh with them, but still wonder. Once again feeling like an outsider, Senior year of high school all over again.

Just Here to Play

After scratching my head for years and trying to figure out why some people join a group but then do nothing but pay their dues and attend events I decided that maybe they actually are enjoying the experience more than I ever have. Be it a professional organization, car club, or sports thing. After so many years I realize that I don’t need to be part of the sausage making process to enjoy a yummy brat. I decided at that point- all I wanted to do was just play. Not focus on making the club the best in the midwest, or internationally known, just a nice place to hang out and play. By playing and enjoying the time I have there I am making the club a better place for those who are there. Funny thing is, I still haven’t signed up to play in a league yet. You see I’ve been holding off to figure things out.